Greek philosophers have the most ridiculous teachings on earth and i think that everything that they taught should be burnt forever because they are nothing but a bunch of nonsensical round about argument which is mind boggling and personally for me, beyond retarded. Or maybe im retarded.. Ive been reading these theories for 2 hours straight and the more i read the more confused i become and the more illogical everything becomes and Im so ANNOYED that I have to spend my weekend reading bullshit (!!!!) O.M.G how the hell did i get myself to take such a retarded class..... Haha this explains why Im an engineer.


"Man is the measure of all things, of those that are in so far as they are,and those that are not in so far as they are not."

Everything is relative. Reality being thus reduced to the subjectivism of experience, it was easy to make the transition of Gorgias to complete Skepticism.

"Nothing exists," said Gorgias; "if something does exist, we cannot know it; if we come to know it, we cannot teach it to others." This transition from the relativism of Protagoras to Skepticism seems logical. If reality is relative to the knowledge of empirical data, there is no reality of itself. Hence nothing exists. If it should exist, it would be impossible for it to be known by us as it is in itself, because we can be witnesses only of the impressions in their sensible immediacy, and no one assures us that this is representative of reality. Nor can we teach others what we know, since everyone has a different manner of feeling, and the manner of feeling of the master is not the same as that of his students.

Ok back to reading nonsense. Bye

"Life is short, you never live for yourself! What kind of feminist are you?! We can have everything...

"No we cant, we can aspire to anything but we dont get it just because we want it. I rather spend my life close to the birds than wishing I had wings."

Days like this should never end

As the title suggests, I had one of the best days ever since .....school starts. Im staying over at my aunt's for thanksgiving. Getting away from school to a more 'homely' setting is just what I really need right now. It feels soooo good to finally sleep on a big bed with tonnes of pillows and thick comforter to snuggle up in (not confined to a tiny bedroom with a big-enough-to-fit-my-body bed), not having to care about schoolwork (although i have tonnes of assignment due next week haha but screw that!), enjoying the cooler air and breeze... Hahah it just feels so good to be 'home'.

So today we went to my grandma ..wait, grandaunt's house at claremont. Had a thanksgiving dinner (indo style hahaha) with 20 of my aunts, uncles and cousins. Prepared dinner, played silly games, chilling with wine and christmas songs, listening to my small cousins playing the piano, violin and singing songs haha.. They even baked a surprise birthday cake for me (even though my bday was 2 weeks ago haha) ..Ahhh what an awesome night, this is the closest Ive been to feeling home ever since I left singapore.

Haha Im so full and sleepy but I dont want to waste my short holiday so I'll stay up to watch house and maybe read a book hehe. Im worried for finals and my project/assignments due next week but for now Im gonna get them off my mind hehe..

Good night!!!

Birthday ?

Haha it's so weird because it's not even my birthday yet but Im getting birthday wishes already. I wish I had my family and singapore friends here with me right now. It's 2am to midnight and Im going to celebrate being 19 with my math and chem books. I just ended my exam reviews at 9.30pm on SUNDAY, math exam tomorrow, lab and project+presentation on Tue and chem exam on Wed. I dont know how Im going to live the next three days so dont even ask me abt birthday celebration coz I dont care!! I just wanna survive the next three days :(

And as for my birthday wish ... LOSE 7KG IN 1 MONTH haha ok lah 5KG back to my normal weight pretty please. But looking at how I just consumed one tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream, my birthday wish is gonna reverse itself to gaining 5kg instead.

Urgghhh this is going nowhere! Haha im old and fat and fat and fat and ............PHAT!

And now I realize,

We all have choices, but we never know if we're making a right choice. All we know is that it is the best option that we have right now, the choice that helps us go through another day, the choice that kept us going. All we have is that leap of faith- the one thing we hold on to when everything seems so uncertain. Everyone makes bad choices at some point, and now that we are in it, dont look back with regrets. Have faith that the next choice is gonna make all this better again and move on. After all, life is all about choices after choices, right ? And now I know that hope and faith are the most important things we could ever have. What would life be without hope ?

This goes out to everyone who feels like the world is turning its back on them, dont despair and dont ever feel hopeless. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to believe and have faith. God will never put you through a test that you cant pass. There's always answers if you search hard enough. You're not born into this world just to give up, so dont ever do.

THESE NIGHT ARE WAAAAAYYY TOO LONG!

Half of my days are spent in pitch darkness (9am-5pm: day, 5pm-1am:dark) Omgz it's only been barely a week and Im hating this already, i wonder how I'll survive the next 4 months or so. At 9pm, i felt that Ive gone through 4 hours of darkness and my body is telling me that I should be going to bed soon. Haha this sucks, the season is making me lazy and sleepy and inactive. Ok it's 10pm and im sleepy, i should go to the gym soon (haha my gym time here is 10pm-12am..however weird that is

Hi November

I know this might be the 1000th times Im saying this (at least to myself), but I cant believe it's November already! That means that I'm 3/4 way through my semester, one more month to thanksgiving and finals then Im freaking done with school!!! I can't wait

I know nobody will disagree with me on this, uni is a bitch. Seriously, I am shocked and at the same time I feel cheated for being made to believe/think that college life will be a breeze. Honestly, I dont even remember being this busy in JC (uhm other than exam period of course). There were times I really just want OUTTTT; go back to sing and lead my pointless life of slacking, watching dvds, yoga, spending money .... that will be the best best gift anyone can get me right now.

Moving on to a non school-is-sucha-bitch note, life has been pretty fun in here. Well, I quit my sorority a few weeks ago because I just couldnt handle getting home past midnight everyday and doing my work till 4am just to get up again at 9 for a full 9-4pm day in school then back to sorority stuff till midnight again. That's how insane it was. Well things have been better after I quit; I have more time for myself, more time to spend with my own friends, more time to do my work, more time to work out hahaha.

Hmmmm I dont know what else to say, I dont really feel like blogging about details just coz I havent been blogging for a long time and I dont know where to start. I really miss everyone in singapore, I wish I could drive here and lastly, I cant believe im turning 19 in a weeks time. I can still remember my last birthday where I had dinner with my family at dempsey and had to rush back home after that to study for Alevels hahahaha oh wellz good ol days. Not really in the celebrating mood this year, so I might just celebrate by wathing gossip girl since it's gonna fall on a Monday anyway. Hehe bye nowwwww it's 3am and Im not even sleepy

HOLLA

Hi to anyone who still reads this dying blog. I finally found a time to update this blog! Im not trying to act like miss busy, but I really am so incredibly busy. It's only the third week of school and we are already having midterms and tests. I never slept before 3am this week. In fact, I actually pulled an all nighter (ok fine 1 hour of sleep) on Monday. Wednesday night, I fell asleep with Iliad on my face and chewing gum in my mouth. Everyone should try reading the Iliad, it's the most powerful sleeping pill everZ.

School and pledging for my sorority has taken up like ...99% of my life. Sometimes, thoughts of depledging do cross my mind. I really dont want my social life to ruin my studies. I have sorority meeting/events/rehersal/random stuff almost every single day and by the time I get down to doing my homework, it's already past midnight. I have already given up partying on school nights, but I'm still not juggling both well enough! So Thursday nights are supposed to be party nights at the row (the street of usc fraterneties/sorority houses), but I spent last night studying at the lounge downstairs. I had so much fun looking at drunk people stumbling all over the lobby and flirting with old security guards...hahaha

Anyway school aside, Ive been feeling homesick occasionally, especially when I feel so damn fucking tired everynight and still have so much things on my to do list. I just want everything to slow down like how it was before school started. I really miss lazing around in Singapore..spending everyday doing yoga and hanging out at orchard and holland V. I miss having so much free time on my hand and watching tv series for hours in front of the comp ( Btw,I havent watched tv for a month now).. Omg I just miss being able to breathe without having a single thing on my mind.. (ok fine that almost never happen) but yeah you got my point. I just feel so tied down with so many things right now and all I want is just a B.R.E.AK.

And back to school, I feel like Im always lagging behind somehow. Im soo used to always being behind in homeworks back in singapore coz nobody ever grade or care about homework. Im so used to not giving a damn about my grades until exams comes. But here, every single thing matter and it's killing me how I have to have to put in effort to do my homework! IT'S SO EXHAUSTING TO CARE. And it feels like JC all over again coz unlike everyone else, all my day starts at 9am with the exception of 8am on Tuesday. Whatever happen to ......late class and off days, that's never gonna happen for chemical engineering. Maths and chemistry are far more difficult than i thought it will be. And dont even start about programming and GE. Poetry/history is a major pain in the ass, I dont know how anyone in this world can take that as a major. I guess Im just underestimating everything outside of singapore. I thought JC would be the toughest phase of life I would ever have to go through and everything after or before that would just pale in comparison, but apparently I was wrong.

Ok this is such a long post. i just wanna say I really miss singapore :( I really miss everybody there... and I really miss orchard road and holland V. I miss my sisters, I miss my parents, I miss my friends. I miss ness I miss Tiff I miss wenxi I miss Jess I miss olie I miss suemaine I miss my classmates I miss ridgewood and I just miss singapore soooo badly. Im having a lot of fun and enjoying myself here, but there were times when I just wanna be home, when I just want to be free from everything. There were nights I get teary when I think about how much I really wanna be home sweet home, but it's still a year away :'(

Ok Im gonna take it slow this weekend. Sleep before 2am, no alcohol, no parties, reply everyone's emails, clean up my room, do some exercise. Im getting really tired of nursing drunkards (and myself occassionaly) every weekend, so im going to be an anti social this wkend haha. Byez

I just wanna be where you are,
and I dont need to be where the crowd is at
and I dont want temporary highs
and I dont need screaming and laughters to make me happy.
I just wanna be where you are,
where all I think about is right here and now
where tomorrow doesnt ever cross my mind
where it's silent and peaceful but I dont feel lonely
where I can be ugly and yet feel pretty
where I feel so light I can fly.
I just wanna be where you are,
I just wanna be home.

Now there's a million reasons for you to go,
but if you can find a reason to stay,
I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around

It's finally here

As I have promised, I'll start updating this blog quite regularly. I got back from my road trip a few days ago and school is starting real soon. In fact, orientation starts tomorrow! Anyway, my trip was a lot of fun, but the sun was just downright merciless. I have gotten a few shades darker-and Im not making it up, so many people have commented on that. But oh well, tan is good right .... (haha just trying to console myself). I really regret bringing so much stuff to LA because the moment I stepped into the shops here, I knew my closet is gonna run out of space FAST. Anyway, Vegas with family isn't really your typical 'Vegas, the city that never sleeps' haha no clubs, no booze, no parties- just good old shopping food and sightseeing. Hey, what do you expect from a family trip? hahaha. We drove from Vegas to Grand Canyon and it was one of the most spectacular thing I've seen. My sister, cousin and I climbed all the way to the top (I was pretty out of breath by then haha) and the view from the top was just breathtaking! We also went to the skywalk, from which we enjoyed an even more spectacular view, but walking at the skywalk was so terrifying! We were walking on clear glass which suspend 4000 feet (more than 1km) above the grand canyon. So when we look down, we literally see rock structures that extend all the way down..it's like standing at the edge of a cliff.

Anyway, my orientation starts tomorrow.......like, finally. A part of me is excited, a big part of me is nervous and a small part of me is kinda dreading it; dreading the fact that my 9month anti-school life has finally come to an end. Im only moving into my dorm on Wed, so I'll be staying over at Stef's tomorrow night and back again to my aunt's place at the end of orientation on tue. Techically, orientation is 2 days (mon and tue), but wed 20th-27th is welcome week; which is filled with activities which I get to pick and choose myself. I've already made my schedule and I think Im a bit of an enthusiatic weirdo who plans back to back activities when I might take 15 mins to travel from one location to another hahaha. Oh well, I forsee myself ditching many of the stuff I signed up for anyway heheh.

Lastly, I dont know how the fuck Im going to move into my dorm. I have... 4 luggages (2 big, 1 medium, 1 small), 3 HUGE plastic bags (with my pillow, comforter, bedsheet, hairdryer and all the bulky crap)......I dont even know if all these can fit into one car!

L to da A

It's been 5 days since I arrived in LA and it's been a really good 5 days. I've been getting up at 11 everyday and eating lunch at 5pm haha! Time just passed so damn quickly in here, and it's not even the traffic! Well, I havent done any crazy or really fun stuff in here coz I have a lot of things to settle before I start school on 18th (settle my bank account, report to e embassy, make my student card, get a phone, visit my relatives here, school stuff, shopping for dorm stuff- bedsheets, hair dryer, iron, etc) hahaha. Well, I got myself a new blackberry and a new camera!

It doesnt get dark until 8plus here so I eat my dinner at 9ish haha. The sun in craaazy in the afternoon but I love the breeze here. It gets kinda cold at night (and it's only summer), I cant imagine winter! Anyway, Im starting on my road trip on Sunday which will last for about a week. We'll be driving south east (?); SD, Vegas, Grand Canyon, Arizona ... I hope I can go to six flags before school starts!

Im getting excited about the start of school. I just visited my dorm yesterday (well, the building, not my room) but the area is really beautiful and the parkside restaurant is awesome. I'm just hoping for a nice roomate now. Ohhh by zee way! I talked to my counselor today and Im getting one year worth of credits for my Alevel which means I only have 3 more years to graduate! And if I take summer classes, I might even graduate faster haha. Buuuutt, Im considering taking a double degree/major in engineering and finance which might require me to extend for another semester or even a year..Ah well, we'll see how it goes.

Okay that's all for nowwwwwwwwww.

GOODBYE POST ?

Im about 9 hours away from my flight but strangely I dont really feel anything..yet(?) Maybe I wont feel much since Im so heartless haha. I will definitely miss this place. I'LL MISS ORCHARD ROAD (no place as convenient as orchard) haha I'll miss hawker food and most of all I'll miss my friends here (even though I dont have many haha) I love singapore as much as i hate it; Ive been dying to leave for so long since it's kinda a boring place but there's so much things to love about singapore. Where else can you go home by urself in a cab at 4am without any bit of worries, take a bus or train almost anywhere all over the city, get everything u want within 30min walk (orchard haha)... Sigh Im just so used to life here and change is gonna be soo hard :(

To be honest, Im really sad and scared to leave this place which holds so much memories. I spent almost half of my life so far in Singapore (that being the more significant half of my life since I barely even rmb my first half), so it's going to be hard for me to move on from a life Ive been livin for the past 8 yrs.

There's so many things in my head I dont even know where to begin. Let's start with the past 2 yrs...I can still rmb how I dread going to JC coz most of my sec sch friends went overseas and Im left with prob a handful of close friends who stayed on. Then, all I want to do is to get over and done with JC so that I could join the rest of them in US. Im pretty sure back then in sec sch I didnt feel any sense of attachment to this country coz all my close friends were Indos and it kinda felt like we're living in our own little world haha. I guess the past two years of my life really changed a lot of things. Frankly, I still dont know if I enjoyed the past 2 years of my life, but I know for sure that it's an experience that I'll never EVER forget and I definitely dont regret going to JC even though it might be a waste of time and EFFORT since Im going overseas now haha. And I wanna say Im really glad to be in T15 :) I might have started out as an anti social to the class (or some of u think I still am hahaha sighz) but I managed to make some really good friends in class (u guys know who u are!) and I know for sure that I wouldnt do as well for As if it wasnt for all of u crazy ass competitive muggers who made me one too! Hahaha oh well call me a closet mugger all u want peepz, Im just a nerd at heart hahaha.

If i were to think of memories .... well I rmb having a short depression period in sec 1 HAHAHAHA I think only Stef or editha will remember this. It's stupid when I look back now but THEN, I cry every single day in school, at home, in the bus..God, Im prob the weirdest secondary 1 kid evveeerrr! I rmb our sec school indo gang; stef bel rien tiff mos mel sheir and how for me at least, my life in sec sch revolves ard these peepz (I still love you all forevvaaa). Then comes JC... haha first 3 months was such a blur and Im quite sure some pple in my class thought I left cj or smth. I also rmb being drunk for e first time in my life haha. Being back in cj aft first 3 months was hell for me initially coz I couldnt really click with my classmates (but of course that change after a few months). Haha oh I rmb being a total diet freak and losing 7kg in like 4 months ? (Haha but I was really fat in J1) I wonder now how I did that haha I think I kept my calorie intake to 500 a day hahahaha. I guess on thing that I'll always rmb abt JC would be studying days in school and coffee bean haha unforgettable.

Ok some messages to you peepz


Ness: Haha wah I dont even know where to begin.. Firstly I cant believe we were classmates for 2 years and I spoke less than 5 sentences to you until like the last 2-3 months of school hahaha. My life for the past 2 yrs would be soooo different without you and Im so glad to have you as one of my best friends here in sg! I wont forget all the dramass in your lyph (from your boysss to your hatred for vjc to your attraction to dilfs to your crazy buddhist boss to Boston to chanels to plastic surgeries hahahaha to everything lah) You're always so full of nonsense i.e bbq at malibu with LC and co hahaha and we need to stop bitching about pple we dont know hahahaha. I have so much memories with you the past few yrs; 1st 3 months in cj (rides with colin wong haha), subway aft sch days (if u still rmb hahaha), eating beef noodles (haha), studying in holland v, our econs tuition which we barely turn up for!, your drama performaces in which I always turn up late (oops), and omg if u still rmb the days where we weren't exactly allowed to club so we whenever we got back from clubbing we would chill by my pool or yours till the sun comes up then go home (hahahaha omg i just remembered, i bet u almost dont). I know we weren't very close all the while and there were times when we drifted apart, but I know you're someone I can count on and Im really glad to have you ard :) Take care in Sg and Im sure you'll have fun in smu; stop eating instant noodles and sleeping at 7am and depression/denial/acceptance series hahahaha. I'll miss you so so much! (Btw you dont have to work on being desirable babe, you already are)



Tiff: God, you're like the sole surviving member of our indo gang hahaha and i really dont know what my life would be without you. I was (and still am) so so relieved that we ended up in the same jc! Gosh I have sooo many things to say right now! Im sure you know we've been through soooo much together hon; happy times, stressful times, sad times..Thanks for always being there for me, I still remembered how I bawled my eyes to you at a secluded staircase in school when I had shit stuff going on and how we ended up crying tgt hahaha. I think you're my number one study partner during my Alvl days hahaha I'll never forget night studying days with u and ur classmates in e freeezing cold library, holland v days and oh! overnight studying at McD (hardcore siaaLLL hahahaha), swimming at my pool (im sure you swim the most when you're with me hahaha), our horrible sense of direction and mrt knowledge that we travel opposite direction while heading to changi airport HAHAHA.... ok i can go on forever. Just wanna let you know that I really (REALLY) admire you for being such a strong and independent person. I know you've been through a lot in these past few years but you always manage to pull urself together and I honestly cant imagine myself being able to do that. You've been such an awesome friend and I cant believe Im finally leaving you just like the rest of them haha! Dont worry you'll do fine with NTU



Wenxi: You're the runner up for the pang seh friend award (next after shin haha). Sometimes I love you and hate you all at the same time hahahah. You're the hardest person to contact, the one who always ditch me when i ask you to go out with me, the dao-est person on msn .............but i still love you! Haha seriously I wouldnt WOULDNT survive JC without you in class. We have sooo much stupid and memorable moments in school koh! Right from stepping on the weighing machine twice every break (b4 n aft food hahaha), hiding out in LT3 after PE, your disgusting carrot and milk juice, your infectious laughter, swimming at ur country club tgt, u coming over to my place with a plan to exercise but end up stopping by cold storage with tonnes of snacks n eating them while watching dvds hahaha we are such pigs, you k.o-ing during our night cycling trip (shame on u haha), your stayover during prelim days and our mini bday celebration!, the night we watch spongebob before ocip and how our talks during ocip revolves around it , and you're definitely my best dessert buddy haha coz no one else eat as much sweet stuff as us hahahaha. Goshhh Im so gonna miss you and ur crap! As strange as this may seem I'll prob miss being pissed at you for not replying my msgs hahaha. Take care :)

Shin: Hi sotong/pangseh queen....you nvr fail to make me laugh in class and I'll never forget how you always get so irritated by ehm bunny in class, ur damn ugly handwriting (!), ur obsession with boyfriendzzzzz, ur disgusting mee tai mak.. you're so damn full of nonsense and Im so glad for that hahaha. Sorry for the skewers, collect it from my maid when u can ok! Im going to miss youu

Suemaine: It's so sad how we got close only towards the last part of our JC days! You're such a funny and loud person and I really really enjoy talking n going out with you babe :) I'll always rmb shopping days with u at far east, having chem consultations tgt with mr yee and laughing our ass off during consultations for the most random reasons hahaha and how we cant stop talking abt the vainest things- make up, clothes, gossiping abt pple (woops) hahaha. We have to meet up when I come back, hope your sister's ice cream place will still b there next yr!

Isaac: Dude, where do I begin ? Hahaha to be honest, more than half of the time I am around you, Im irritated and annoyed by you HAHAHA. You can be the meanest person on earth with ur endless mockery and suanings (esp for me) haha but that's what makes you who you are I guess! I know deep down you're a very nice guy, there were times I could talk to you abt serious stuff...i think ? Anw you nvr fail to make me laugh and at the same time you make me really wanna slap ur face haha, u were the best guy in class I could count on to study with me haha and you were prob my best guy friend in class ..strangely enough hahaha. Thanks for being a good friend, a chem teacher, an ass hole, a satay man during bbq and for being a reliable companion during school days! Hope you'll reach ur six pack goal and have fun studying law, Im (sort of) proud of u hahahahaha

Olivia: Olieeeeeee! you're the number one person I'll run to when I wanna watch movies that nobody else watches haha! Either we are weird or we are cool (i think it's the latter) haha! I hope you can find someone else to watch indo movies with u in sg! I'll always rmb our photo hunting session (once in sec 4 if u rmb), your precious gift capturing my happiest moment (bringing it with me to USC!), our national museum trip (david's dick), our singing sessions during sec 3 which made tiff so pissed mwahahaha, our lame ass jokes that only pple like us can appreciate, CCFWVE (im sure you'll figure this out), nydc's ebony cake hahaha. I miss you olieeeeeeeeeee

Jasmine: I know we've been classmates foreverrrrrr and somehow we were never really that close. I'll nvr forget you and your TONNES of crap+nonsense and Im so touched and felt so bad abt you waiting for me at e airport ytd!! I hope you'll have fun with irritating secondary school kids and stay happy with gab. Good luck with As this year, I know you're smart dont be lazziiieee!

Darien: Dont know what I'd be in fitness club without you. Thanks for entertaining me with ur vulgarities for D*&^ and slacking tgt every session. We slackers deserve to be in fitness club hahaha.

Ok Im done here. To those whose name may not be there, you know i still love youuu! Im just running out of time n energy here hahaha. 5 more hours till i leave the house. SAYONARA

Heyho I wanted to write a farewell post, like a really long one with messages for certain people,but Im still in the process of doing so haha. I'll prob continue right before I leave to LA, when I'll have e most inspiration at my most emotional moment (being a drama mama here).

Anyway Im currently very early at the airport. On the way here, I prob talked to my Jen more than I ever did in the past month and we talked about my youngest sis which makes me realize i dont know ANYTHING about her. Like seriously, I barely talk to her and obviously I dont know what she's been going through and all. I feel like such a crappy sister now. I always said Im outcasted from the trio haha (coz they're so close and Im so left out) but now I realize that I make it hard for them not to outcast me. It's like how Jen said she tried to come to my room to initiate a convo but I'll just tell her to get out and leave me alone. Haha gosh Im such a bitch.. And soon we'll all be living separately which means we drift even further apart.

In other news, Im not exactly excited for my trip back. Once I land in Jakarta airport, we're going straight to Bandung to visit my grandparents from my dad's side until Wed. I dont like Bandung....... my dad will be meeting up with his pals and my mom, sis and I would prob be spending the day at the salon and then we'll have dinner with my grandparents aunt uncle cousins etc at night. Do this for 3 days ?! Besides I dont like their house in Bandung....I wish we can stay at a hotel :(

Ok i dont think I'll be online for the next one week haha. Be back in Singapore on the 2nd!

So today I met like ...1% of my future schoolmates haha. They seem like pretty nice people and Im actually pretty glad I went (even though I was soooo lazy to get my ass off bed at 8am). And after talking to a few people, I think I might actually wanna take engineering with a minor in business. Double deg of engine and finance is seriously a little too hardcore for me and 5 years of USC would prob burn a giant hole in my parents' pocket although my mom is so keen on me taking double deg. Then I find out that my dorm is prob the nicest and the newest but it's filled with international students ....... which is a good and bad thing. Im still thinking if I should move to a more "american" dorm, but that's where all the parties and weirdo stuff happen.... but again why go all the way to US and then hang out with all the Asians again. Ok I just wanna mix of both which means I should move out from parkside (?) HAHAHA NVM laters, haters.

It's starting to sink in..........

Im leaving so sooooon and strangely I dont feel ready for it! Ive been wanting this for so long and yet it's scary how my life is gonna change so drastically (maybe not) in the next month. This is like moving from Indo 8 years ago haha. Yeah anyway for the very few pple who reads my blog, Im leaving for Indo on the 21st, which is less than two weeks from now (!!!!) I'll be back on 2nd but only for 2 days coz Im leaving on 4th which leaves me with almost no time to meet up with anyone in that two days period (unless you're very special HAHAHA). Okay so peepzeee I would like to meet up with everyone in this one of two weeks that I have left...and yeah Im too lazy to host a farewell. My parents are not in Singapore now anyway, which means I have no money to treat everyonezz hahaha.

Im kinda excited for Jakarta although I bet I'll have one million and one things to do in that one week. And Im still so puzzled/irritated that I have to leave so early when my orientation only starts on 18th! (Although I wouldnt wanna reach at 9pm on 17th and start my orientation at 8am hahaha stef) Oh well at least I get to go to Vegas and SF first before orientation starts hehehe!

Sigh I know I shouldnt feel scared because Im going to LA and most of my close friends are there, my cousins are there, my aunts/uncles are there and Im even going to the same school as my cousin who's doin her dental specialization.... So technically I should feel even more at home than I am in Singapore.. but I still feel kinda saaaaddd and scared haha

Denial

Sometimes I wonder if hope is a good or bad thing. For the past month or so I've been falling in and out of hope (erm yea not love arh) and I dont know how much longer I can take this. These next few days are gonna be H.E.L.L

Im watching penelope now and I think James Mcavoy is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute hahahahaha I watched a few of his shows- antonement, becoming jane..it's weird how I dont remember him until I watch penelope. Can't wait to watch wanted

Just a thought.......

I havent been updating and Im not exactly planning to do so either. My writing skill has become so rusty, even my reading skill (or should I say attention span?) has become so horribly pathetic- I find it so hard to finish reading a book these days, thus I resort to watching brainless shows on tudou. Haha in other words I have been wasting my unemployed life doing absolutely unproductive activities, not forgetting spending away my hard earned money too quickly. I hope I won't be the stupidest student entering the university.

Anyway Im writing just to make sure that I havent forgot how to write a proper paragraph or to express my thoughts in words.........haha ok kidding that might be a small part of the reason, but I've been wanting to write about something that's been in my mind lately.

As a few of you may know, for the past month or so, Ive been going to a christian church and even have a cell group. I know I may not the biggest fan/believer of christian churches (Ive been a catholic all my life), but I wanted to do something to revive my dying faith. So does it really work ? Well, not really. I realized that a major part of my problem doesnt really lie in how dull and boring my church is, but myself. Dull sermons and boring masses may (sort of) justify my dozing off in church, but it surely doesnt give me any reasons to not be able to pray, to feel 1 million miles away from God, to slowly finding myself behaving like a non believer.

I realized now that I have just become a bad person, a very very ignorant person, a selfish person, an angry and resentful person, and obviously this has affected my relationship with my family and ultimately God. I hate myself for admitting this; I am not happy being around my parents. Too often these days I wish they were on another holiday so that I can be left alone. And the more I force myself to try to love being around them-and failed, the more guilty and bitter I become and I cant turn to any single person, not even God. This is when I realised I have literally nobody to turn to and I start blaming everybody, a good example-my church, for my diminishing faith when the fact is I have nobody to blame but myself.

I guess everyone go through a phase in their lives when everything seems so wrong. A lot of things may be going fine (not fantastic) in my life right now, but I know deep inside- spiritually and emotionally, this has been the worst worst ever period in my life. I dont even know how to begin explaining my reasons for hating the people who are most important to me in this world.

I believe that ignorance is bliss. I know a lot of nonbelievers or 'christians' who dont pray, dont go to church and are perfectly fine with their lives. Of course I wish I could be a good christian but if couldnt be that, I rather fall into the catagory of ignorant people as I mention above than be a lousy christian trying to be a good one and feeling like such a failure all the time because I know I dont deserve to be called a good christian with the way I live my life.

Honestly, other than today, I dont remember the last time I actually prayed and really mean it. Honestly, I havent felt really happy for quite some time especially at home. So for everyone else's sake and maybe my own, I'll really try to be a better person from today onwards.

TWENTY FOUR

Heheh right now Im so hooked on 24 I havent moved my ass from my bed for more than 5 hours, except to the toilet. That reminds me, I havent even eaten the whole day, except for a piece of chocolate. So all I want to say is I think Im going to be very very happy with my life for the next couple of weeks/months because I have 7 seasons to watch. Now I dont have to worry about what Im gonna do when my internship ends in 1 week time! No more late nights at office,it'll just be me, my bed and my laptop. Life is such a bliss sometimes, exept when you start thinking about your future. But right now Im just trying to erase that from my mind and take things one step and a time.

I think I can qualify as the most hardworking intern of the year ......either that or Im just working under the most workaholic boss. I havent been home before 10 or 11 ever since 3 weeks ago because on the days I dont go out, I work overtime and on the days I dont work overtime, I try to catch up with my friends or go for yoga. Luckily I havent gone so far as to bring my work home hahaha. So finally... my body gave up. Last night I had blocked nose, sore throat, felt so cold and puked. Today I cant even drag myself out of bed..

Im so NOT going to go for the accounts line next time. Imagine working in the big four where going home at 11pm is considered really early. May as well not have a life haha. Ok byebye 2 more weeks to freedom.

Im terribly bored at work now. Ok I have a lot to do but Im so sick of working and the thought of 3 more weeks to freedom makes this 3 weeks even harder to live with.

Anyway I kept telling myself: If Nicole Richie can do it, so can everyone. But I can't!! Goddddddd Im such a failure at even simple things like losing weight. Haha 2.5 hour to freedom o clock (thanks ness) and Im dyingggggggggggggggg. I cant believe I watch the hills everynight and at work even though I think it's a dumb show. Haha sianzzz

It's 9.46, Im currently at the client's office by myself as my boss is late and Im abusing this opportunity (as always) to do random stuff. Anyway, (upon instruction from my dominating motheerrrrr), I emailed and browse through the summer programs in USC and it sounds like the funnesttttt thing on earth (that is school related) hahaha. I've never been sincerely excited about any of my schools stuff, even though Im dying to leave this place......but for once Im actually quite enthusiastic about going. Hmm seems like my part time job plan and my Indo plan are non existant if I decide to go for this. Oh my parents just got back from Europe and they bought a lifetime supply of chocolates which filled two compartments of my fridge :0

I stayed home the whole weekend, as in literally inside the house (with the exception of a 5 minute trip to the minimart) because Im suffering from a very very serious constipation- to a point where standing straight becomes painful. In the span of 2 days I have overdosed (really overdosed) on laxatives and prune juice ...................still no effect. My stomach is amazing, maybe I'll resort to drinking expired milk hahahaha ok kidding. I dont even know if I should go to the office tomorrow with my tummy making 100 decibel churning sounds and not forgetting erm fartsssss hahahahaha.

Ok so 48 hours confinement in this apartment = dvd heaven. I watched little miss sunshine (really good), 10 things I hate about you (hillarious), a good year (pretty good tho a little slow) and Paris Je Taime (weird..). I still have I heart huckabees and Elizabeth the golden age left to watch haha and no more books to read.

And I cant believe that in this 48 hours that I have, I still havent make a decision on my college housing (!!!!) because apparently my first choice dorm is a very popular one and I need to write a supplemental essay just to apply, wtf! And honestly I dont even have a strong reason to choose that building which means that Im just going to write a crappy essay........... Plan B, here we go (as always)

Im having the most meaningless life now ...just waiting for gossip girl every week hahahaha. Cant wait for internship to end

Long long long long looooong road

1. I had a 12 hour work day today and i definitely see more 9pm office nights coming up in the next week. I dont know how I am ever going to handle working life next time haha.

2. I realized this year feels so weird and surreal because it's going to pass almost without school. And I cant believe we are approaching mid year already!

3. Can't wait to move on with REAL life i.e school (?) errr

4. I know Im never a fan of gossip girl but all the buzz about it makes me so excited to catch the upcoming season!!

5. I think Milo Ventimiglia is so hawwwt (hahaha i bet a lof of pple would disagree)

6. Im reading a very interesting and addictive book called never let me go by kazuo ishiguro and Im dying to know the truth about these children's lives.

7. I've been having very 'real' dreams about bits and pieces of my current life and my maid has been telling me about how I talk in my sleep (?!!!)

8. I dont understand how I could want something so badly (or at least claim to) and yet feel no excitement/passion/drive to do something about it. And after some thinking, I realized maybe I want this so badly not so much for myself but for somebody else.

9. Im looking at future life via dorms virtual tours and roomates matching............how come all the rooms look the same ?! Sigh I hate required meal plans (although dining halls look so nice) coz I just imagine myself being a big ball of fats.

10. I hate myself for not having a summer plan !!! I need to get out of this place.... so I better start planning before it's too late to make any plans. But being the lazy ass that I am, I'll probably never get down to doing it :S

Second best

I know my past blog entries have been nothing but complains and bitterness towards everyone and life. I realized I was being very spoilt and childish and annoying. So for a change, I'm going to .... not complain haha.

My parents just left for Europe a few hours ago so it's just me, my sisters and my maid for the next 2 weeks. In case it wasnt clear enough, my previous entry was about me being placed on wait-list for my first choice school which got my parents upset, got me upset and got us into a big fight. A fight that got me reflecting and crying for 2 days but made me realize how much of a jerk Ive been this whole time and how I kept blaming everyone, God, the world for everything that goes wrong in my life when I should actually be questioning if I deserve all these things that I want so badly. I just received a letter from UMich which gives me much more hope, but again nothing is for certain and all I can do now is to have faith and prepare myself for the best and worst.

Things are not going as planned. My sister is most likely enrolling in fall instead of summer and that gives me less reason to take summer classes. In conclusion, I'll most probably only leave in August. My internship will last until end of May (im not going to extend haha) and I'll prob find a slack part time job or go back to Indo while waiting for August to arrive. My cousins are going to Bali in June so maybe I should join them (?)

Okay this entry sounds painfully forced. I havent uploaded photos for a very long time so here are some!


This is from a few weeks back when Wenxi and I tried to be adventurous and settled for Brazillian dinner in Chjimes hahaha. Brazillian food is so salty and pepper-ish, I wonder why Brazillians dont get hypertension.

Last week I had buffet lunch with my family at Shangrila where the food wasnt as fantastic as everyone said it is haha.

This one is at National Museum where Olivia and I went to watch an Indo movie. It was part of the Singapore Film festival thing and the director was there for the opening haha. She's so young and pretty and hot and talented, why can't I be like that hahahaha ok jkjk.


Oli and David hahaha
David's dick and I hahahahahhaHA

Last Monday I had dinner at PS Cafe with Ness where we had a scary walk out of Dempsey (haha scary for me lah) and a worm/caterpillar landed on my pants.

Ok bye

I know I have lost touch with religion, but I didnt know I am losing touch with myself. Im slowly morphing into an angry, short tempered, ungrateful, snobbish and disrespectful person without realizing, and it's so hard to change especially if I refuse to admit my flaw over and over again. I need a peace of mind, but I dont know who to turn to. I know I am in no position to ask God for anything anymore, I strongly feel that what Im facing right now is a punishment that I probably deserve for.... everything that I do.

The only reason for my lack of patience and tolerance when it comes to school related topics is my insecurities. It's probably the one thing that's always stuck at the back of my head every single day and it doesnt help being asked the same rethorical question every single day 'how come you school hasnt replied you?' If you're worried, what does that make me- almost insane? Im sorry if you intepret my snappy tone of answers as a sign or arrogance and swollen headedness; "Jessica thinks she's so goddamn fucking smart, she thinks can get into wherever she wants that's why she gets so annoyed everytime I ask her questions". I wonder if you ever think that what Im experiencing is the exact opposite. It's precisely because Im so insecure and worried that I snap everytime you ask me about it. I feel so lousy about myself everyday when I come home every night to an empty table without any letters or checked a website that showed the same page for the past month or so and I hate being reminded every single day about how pathetic I am. Being confident is seriously the last thing that I feel, dont even think about trying to be a smarty pants.

Sometimes I dont know why this world is so cruel. One moment you're up and the next you go all the way down. Why do you give me hope and then take it all away? There's a point of time not too long ago when I feel quite accomplished, when I am so full of hopes and excitement about what the future has to offer, but right now I feel nothing more than insignificant. You may be good, but you're never good enough. I am such a disappointment to everyone and myself. I dont blame you for shouting and screaming at me with such disgust and disdain for a solid 45 minutes with a voice loud enough to wake the whole block up. I havent felt so small and pathetic in such a long time. I dont understand how you can think so lowly of me, like Im the most delusional/snobbish/overconfident person on earth and how you said God is cursing me for all the bad things Ive done.

I fucking hate going home at night when everyone is fucking depressed or in a fucking bad mood. Thank God I havent gone home for dinner for the past ........ two weeks. I wish I could go home at twelve everyday when everyone's asleep and I dont have to face any one of them. B.L.I.S.S

By the way I just blew 3/4 of my pay over one weekend. Im so bad with money, my mom thinks Im gonna be poor when i grow up and I totally agree. My parents are going to Europe next week for Im not sure how long, I dont know if I should be happy or sad.

Life, love and why

My week has been filled with mostly work, yoga and troubled thoughts. I've been going to True Yoga for a week now and it's becoming my new hobby! Fyi, I dont have many hobbies, maybe none. It started out with me limping out of my first class (seriously almost died), but today I went for two classes in a row, bodycombat and power yoga, and still could go for three hours of shopping. Haha Im as fit as a fiddle! hahahah and still as fat as ass lah okay.

I have so much things in mind right now. I thought everything was going well, but now Im so full of doubts. It's either usc or michigan for me, now that Penn is out of the question (obviously not a big shock haha). I dont understand why michigan is taking ages to reply me; Im trying to console/convince myself that this doesnt equal to rejection but Im really getting restless and worried from all the waiting. On the bright side, even I dont get accepted into Michigan, I knew I'll be very happy in usc. Maybe God just wants me to enjoy myself after seeing how tortured I am in JC hahaha. Sigh obviously still trying to console myself.

Okay I shall cheer myself up by reading some adrian mole. Haha I know adrian mole is sooo secondary school but it's shit ass funny!

"But you don't need anything. You have everything," I tell him.
Rip looks at me. "No. I don't"
There's a pause and then I ask, "Oh, shit, Rip, what don't you have?"
"I don't have anything to lose"

So anyway that was from a book I just read called Less Than Zero. A book about a generation of disgustingly rich teens and their hedonistic/psychotic lives in LA. Drugs,sex,money,violence; it's easily the most disturbing, troubling and vulgar novel that I've ever read. Some pages really makes me want to puke and cry out of disgust and disbelief hahaha. My face was scrunched up most of the time and I had people in the bus staring at me, probably amused at my expression. I dont even know why I continued reading, but in the weirdest way I actually liked the book. Gotta try Catcher in the Rye sometime soon.

Anyway moving to real life, I walked out on dinner today and that's smth Ive never ever done before. And yes I did feel guilty after that but it'll take up too much of my pride to sit back down. It started out with a stupid argument with my youngest sister over diet coke and how studies show that it can actually increase your cravings (i know it's so lame). And then we somehow got a little defensive and started a mini debate. Then my mom just had to join in the most out of topic fashion and talk about ....my lack of manner. How I should watch my tone and words when I speak to them, and how I often use condescending tone without realizing. Ok in the first place I wasnt even talking/arguing with them and FYI, the way I talk to my parents is, by any standard, far more polite than a million other kids of my age. Give me a break LAH. So today i had a diet coke for dinner and swam 40 laps after that.

Ok gtg watch green mile.

Just for the song, not the video

God, shed some light

No, right now I dont even deserve to ask God for anything. I cant even remember the last time I prayed sincerely. I've been trying to deny this for too long and trying to convince myself that it's not happening but yes Im starting to lose my connection with God or whatever you call it. Sometimes Im so disgusted at myself when I actually took pride in saying that I go to church every Sunday, observing every special days like holy thurs, gd friday bla2. Yes it's beyond disgusting to actually feel accomplished in some ways when people told me 'oh you went to church for XXX day?, wow you're so religious I didnt even bother going for mass' . Come on, who the fuck am I trying to kid...myself ?

I dont understand what's going on with me. I've been blessed with countless things this year. Starting with how my US plan is working out pretty well when I had been so doubtful about it, then the internship which, well I can say it's both a blessing and a nightmare, my Alvl results which I gotta be thankful for, my parents who've been really healthy and happy lately. I really couldnt ask for more (other than maybe ask God for diet tips). The point is I cant even bring myself to thank God and meant what I said with all my heart. Even when Im sad, when I feel lonely, when I need guidance (which happens from time to time this year), I dont even pray for God's help. I've never ever ever felt more alone than this, Ive lost the one thing/person I can always rely on and hold on to when there's no one else to run to.

In the past, everytime Im sad, every night when I sleep with my eyes open talking/thinking to myself for hours, I know there's someone listening and I take comfort in that. I guess now I've forgotten what it feels like to be heard, to know there's always someone who has your back, someone who's always there for you no matter where you are. I know this next statement may seem a bit extreme, but Im starting to believe (or maybe I really believe) that God had somehow disappeared from my life. Maybe I should be a free thinker for a while ......... wait maybe I already am for the past few months without realizing.

1000 miles per hour

Yeap I think the days are passing really quickly, yesterday feels like the end of feb and here we are in the middle of March. It's amazing how time in my boring life actually flies.

I love libraries and hate librarians (sorry not supposed to discriminate, I got rejected from library club in secondary school hahaha). The other day I spent more than two hours at the library all by myself after work. Then I went to the borrowing machine only to find out I have 13bucks library fines (!!!) The e-kiosk was down so I had to go to the bitchy librarian who kept nagging in chinese...and I just ignored her. So aft a few minutes of nagging and scanning the books, she asked me a question (took me a few secs to even realize she was asking a question coz I was barely listening) and said 'sorry i dont speak chinese' HAHAHAHAHA imagine her furious face.

Anyway, talking about chinese ... my house is turning into some beginner standard chinese classroom. My mom, obviously desperate to improve, wanted everyone to start speaking chinese. My chinese is ranked second worst in the house (my mom being the first) so .. I suck hahaha.

Ok some pictures from the week

Tiff milking the mother cowww haha


Happy birthday audrey! I also want an instant print camera or whatever it is called.

Sigh, I've always loved reading yearbook over and over again. It brings back so much memories and makes me really miss school. Not that I want to go over it again, I just wish it lasted a little longer haha so that I dont have to feel as old as I do now.

Damn I hate waiting for schools to reply emails, but Im too lazy to make a call. Anyway regarding my results, I am abnormally emotionless about it and it's not because I expect/want more....I just can't bring myself to feel anything much. But Im very thankful and relieved that my effort paid off and I guess I really couldnt ask for more. Anyway it's been a great week, I've gotten my letters of acceptance from UWash and USC (which comes unexpectedly early) and Im waiting for more replies in this next month, which hopefully contain good news haha.

Ok I can't wait to watch diving bell and the butterfly l8r. Been waiting for this a long time and the fact that it's still showing proves that Im fated to catch this hahaha. Bye!

OK EDIT IM SCARED

TELL ME HOW TO FEEL because Im only a few hours from results time and I still dont feel a thing. Maybe Ive been away from school for too long to remember how it feels to be dead scared for results. Haha good luck everybody.

The brightest stars are falling down

I havent felt better than this in quite a while and Im actually very surprised considering the fact that it's Sunday night which marks the start of another working week. Ok let's list down a few reasons to be happy;

1) I just did 5km on treadmill and cross trainer, 100 sit ups and had steamed vegetables for dinner. Oh i've been exercising regularly for the past 4 days. (altho it's still a long way towards my weight loss plan but at least it's a start!)
2) I feel a little richer because I just deposited some $$ into my account.
3) I bought 5 dresses ytd haha.
4) I realized my job is actually doing me some good. I just helped my parents with their tax computation for their property and rental stuff haha (thanks to the many hours my supervisor left me with nothing to do and thus led me to read the tax master guide by myself....)
5) I am looking forward to one less working day this coming week as Im assuming that As will be out this week. Errm although I wont be surprised if it's not, considering how much delay there's been over the past couple of weeks.
6) I just watched the best grey's anatomy episode ever! ( I hate meredith and Mcdreamy... they look alike somehow)
7) For lunch today, I had one of the best sushi Ive tasted in quite a while!
......Haha ok not that much happy moments to brag about but Im in a good mood, which doesnt happen very often so I must embrace this night HAHAHA.

So a little recap for my weekend. On sat afternoon, my mom made my sister and I go to her friend's house to mingle with their daughters and daughters' friends.... Erm I know it sounds so strange, trust me I feel very akward too especially when I only know 2 out of the 15 (?) girls in there. But anyway it turned out great because they are all so nice and friendly. They hired a make up artist to come to the house and we had a make-up lesson haha which was pretty fun! I was supposed to meet up with wenxi in the evening for some cycling/rollerblading (i duno how to cycle la) but since the weather sucks, we ended up going shopping in town haha. I spent Sunday with my family...doing the usual stuff haha. Ok this post is getting so long and boring. Bye!

Ok I have a business plan. I am going to start a starvation marathon camp. So the plan is, Im going to rent a nice huge house with a running track. People are gonna pay me just to let them stay in the house without anything but water (ya not even fruits or sweet drinks). Then we'll run 2 km in the morning, 2 km in the afternoon and 2 km at night. I know this is an awesome idea, because if there is one right now, I'll join even if I have to pay to starve and to be forced to run. And I bet there are thousands of people out there who find it so fucking hard to not eat when there is food in the house no matter how hard they try. FAT ASSES OUT THERE, DO YOU FEEL MEEEEEEE ?>! hahahahahaha ok sorry for that lame ending.

Ok it's 8.20pm and I am going to the gym. Woops almost forget to say ..........TGIF!

As of this week, I am transferred to the tax department where I will start learning from zero. Well apparently the audit people were too busy to be guiding interns so here I am! The first two days were such a torture because they gave me very little work and expects me to read the IRAS website and study the tax guide book. Time passes so freaaaakin slowly, gosh 1 minute seems like enternity. I can't even surf the net freely because my boss's son's desk is facing me! You know what's worse than going to work? It's having nothing to do at work yet not being able to do the things that's not work related. Boredom is exhausting. So Im taking ness's advice, do your work very very verrry slowly haha.

Anyway today was a wonderful day at work because I got piles of work to do hahahaha (workaholic what) And unlike in the audit dpt, I actually understand 80% of the things that Im doing. I think tax computing is really not all that hard, altho I have to refer to my book from time to time. Yup and Im guessing that by the end of this week I'll probably get bored of this already. God, how can people stay for years doing the same job! I cant imagine myself doing that. Ok second reason why I am happy: I found a shopping centre near my office!! hahaha...
with pretty decent shops.....well at least I dont have to eat hawker centre food everyday.

Is Alevel ever coming out ??????? I want it asap because it'll break my 5 day work week cycle. Haha ya other than that, there's no other reason why I want my results back. I dont know what to expect, I have no idea how Im gonna fair, Im not sure if I still really care ...erm ok I do very much, but right now I dont feel anything. All I feel now is ..........FAT. Sigh from now onwards Im gonna spend my lunchbreaks shopping and not eating. And all I'll eat at night is yoghurt ... Hahahaha ya Im sure that will happen. Only school can force me into dieting, even work can't.

I should kill myself right nowwwwww

I dont know what's up with me these days but I kept forgetting people's birthdays. First tiff and now olivia. Im so sorrryy guys! Sigh Im so irritated with myself..how the hell can i miss that triple 2 date!..So anywayyyy

HAPPY 19TH OLIEEEEEE!!! Thank you for being a really good friend all this while, for being one of the most jayus and lamest (ok both r the same) friend I ever had. Thank you for the stupid happy memories (like singing tik tik tik bunyi hujan diatas genteng tgt in sec 3 that got tiff pissed off HAHAHAHAH). And of course thank you for capturing my happiest moment in that photo that will always remind me of u hahaha.

If tomorrow is a lifetime away

I must have forgotten how routined life felt because right now it feels like smth that I'm dying to break away from. Gosh I miss holidays although Im still technically on a school holiday haha. Oh ya and I miss school too. I feel like almost all the time I want everything that's absent in my life and the opposite for everything that's present in my life. In other words, Im just an ungrateful person.

In a less hateful note, hahaha.. I just went to the gym and was horrified to find out how pathetic my stamina has become. I've been successful in abstaining from snacks for 4 days already, which is a major achievement for me! Haha so I'm on my way towards becoming a healthier person, if I exclude the part where work gives me brain and eye damage. I decided that Im never gonna be an accountant next time because it's so mundane ...(well after u get the hang of it lar) haha coz as of now Im still struggling. I tried to do a bit of reading on my own, which helps, but it's still gonna be a long way till I get the hang of this shitzzz.

Ok time for grey's now. I need to go to the library soon coz Im running out of things to read during my bus/train rides haha.

Help me through the hopeless haze

Weekend hasn't felt so wonderful in quite a long time. I guess working life makes every other forms of life seem so much better. I dont hate my job particularly but I CANNOT accept this whole 5 days a week 10 hour a day at the office shitz. Im such a complain queen, if I were a guy I think I would have committed suicide after my first week in army hahaha.

Anyway my job is quite challenging for me because I have absolutely no backgrd watsoever on accounting. Im learning a hell lot of new things in such a short time and it gets confusing and frustrating smts, esp when I cant afford to make mistakes as Im auditing my client's account already. I'll be at my client's place the whole of next week and I still have a financial report draft to do at the office!! I promised myself to read principlesofaccounting.com this weekend to ease my work stress haha, but looking at the time now, doesn't look like Im gonna do it =?

So I spent my weekend watching grey's anatomy and reading. I swam 20 laps today and had prata for dinner (so much for the calorie burn). I think I have resigned to my fate of nvr losing back the weight that I've gained :( Anyway ytd ness lace and I had a stall at home club flea market. It's a really fun way to get rid of old clothes and earn quick bucks hahaha. Lace baked cupcakes to sell and I was a pretty good cupcake sales promoter HAHA. And we got ourselves a free jug of vodka because ness gave mega discount to one of the club's staff who bought her bag.



Ok that's it for my very long entry. I hope for a better week at work, when's the next public holiday anyone ??!! Oh yesss anyway my mom is enganging in seriously random activities. She's going to take chinese tuitions with my pri sch chinese tutor and she's also gonna participate in some church voluntary activities with her church friends and she wants to go to russia with my dad next month. Hahaha siao ting tong

I think Im moving but I dont know where

I drank 5 glasses of hot water for the past 1 hour. My throat and running nose are killing me! Anyway today is the first day of my attachment but since it was the first opening day aft chinese new year, it became like a celebration day. Bai nian session to the bosses, lion dance, staff lunch at novotel and even card games hahaha so as you can tell, I can't judge from my first day whether I'll like this job. All I know is that I am the only intern as others will only come in 2 weeks time and so I dont really click well with my colleagues who are at least in their late twenties (I suspect some are grandparents loh). Well the only thing closest to work that I did today was reading this whole stack of audit programme which consist of transactions, financial reports and shit stuff that I dont understand. Im meeting 3 clients tomorrow..God help me! Anyway I had a very bad start today coz I lost my way to my workplace and ended up walking a lot and taking a cab which cost me 3.80 (1 for peak hour and 2.80 start charge for a ride lasted for 15 seconds)

Ok here are some pictures over the weekend.




With tiff tiff, i want your job!

Urghhh Im sneezing like a train. I better go to sleep now and set my alarm at 1am to call boston. If I have to call up every school to clarify my documents, Im gonna have many more of those alarms to come. Efffffffff

I had this song on repeat mode since 2 hours ago, and I can listen to it all night if I want to. I've been trying to sleep since two hours ago, down with a very bad sore throat and feeling a little feverish. My internship starts two days from now and I'll be doomed if my sore throat doesnt go away. Anw Im not uploading my indo photos into blogger coz it's such a chore. Thank God there's facebook haha.

OK I actually typed a whole paragraph but I decide to delete it. Im very pissed off at someone and especially at myself for letting someone so insignificant ruin my mood like this. Im going to read my book and sleep byebye

This is probably my last post before I go back to Sg. I'll be in Bandung from mon to fri and Im kinda dreading it. Cooooome on, 5 days is way too long! Well at least I get to spend chinese new year with my relatives for the first time in ... 5 years? or even longer than that. I cant believe I only have 2 days left in Jkt, I havent even completed my driving lessons! That reminds me I havent make my license. This is baaad.

Im coming back on the 9th (Sat) and starting my internship on Tuesday. Im pretty scared haha and Im not exactly excited abt it, much less for the pay. Ok everyone knows nobody should be expecting much $ from an internship, if any. Haha it's just that I told my parents once I start work they dont have to give me any more money and looking at what my internship pays me .............. Im quite screwed for making that statement haha.

If anyone knows when alevel is gonna come out pls tell me.

OUT OF GAZZZ

I am soooo worn out. I feel a fever coming down and my stomach is just hell-ish as usual. I never remembered Indo to be this hectic, in fact I remembered my stays in Indo to be kinda boring. This time, I'm only home to sleep and watch DVDs late in the night. Not that Im complaining, I love being occupied with stuff, but this whole thing is taking its toll on me. I have a family phototaking this Sat as this gonna be the first time in 10 yrs ago that we have the whole widyatmadja family here in jakarta. My cousins from US are back for a week and my sister is coming back for the weekend to take photo. That reminds me, I dont have a back up plan if I dont fit into my dress anymore :'(

Haha I have a hell lot of photos actually but I didnt bring my USB cable here. I've accomplished a lot of things here; for instance, completed season 1 of gossip girl and season 4 of the OC, ate enough doughnuts to actually start getting sick of them, mastered the art of talking to myself because my driver never respond to anything I said, been 5 meters away from a shooting, almost drove my car into a pavement, sneaked out of stef's house and then had one of the scariest highway ride of my life (hahaha stef, your sister). Oh and I actually learn to sleep before 12 am on some days, something that I can never do in singapore. Of course the most wonderful part here is that I get to meet people whom I seldom see. Starting from all my friends from us and aussie, to my relatives in indo and now even my cousins from US.

My sis is getting back her Os tomorrow and that means we're getting back our As in 2 weeks time. It's been so long since I had to face the fear of getting back results that I almost forget how troubled and bloody hell scared I always am during these days. On a random note, I kinda miss Singapore.

Ok ok gtg watch heroes

Can't find the right words

Hi again! I've been so so so tired lately. Im busy with I dont even know what but Im barely even at home. It's like I never really had anything planned out for the day but there's just always things to do, places to go to, people to meet, dinners to go to ......... and sometimes I dont even know these people Im meeting.

Anyway let's talk about drivinggggg. I actually think driving is fun hahaha but only when Im driving with the instructors because they let me drive busy roads where big buses, motorcycles and cars drive like it's their grandfather's road. My mom told me to practice driving around my housing complex with my chauffeur, but it's like driving a toy car because he only lets me drive in suuuper quiet road and he gets terrified at the sight of ONE car, which of course makes me scared and nervous too in the end hahaha. So whenever there's car or road humps it'll be like "break break break ............... and then my engine went dead and I have to restart again hahahahaha.

Im working on getting me a lifetime membership at fitness first hahahaha and I bet after a month I'll stop going. Ok maybe a week.

INDO SO FAR..........

Well I'm enjoying myself here actually, but disastrous things have occurred and will continue to occur. See, due to my very last minute packing (i took like barely 10 minutes to pack), I forgot to bring so many clothes that I like and ended bringing some random shit that I wont even wear. Moving on to the most disastrous part......... WEIGHT GAIN. I eat 24/7 here. I havent gone back for 2 years so obviously I had gazillion food cravings, can't blame me right? But seriously, Im disgustingly phat now I think I need to start popping diet pills or drink slimming tea. My treadmill isnt even working suddenly, Im fated to be obeseeeeeeeeeeeeee. Okok I realize Im not up for a proper post, I'll blog about indo soon after I buy XXXXXL maternity clothings for myself.

Dear God,

How can I finish this crap in 30 hours
Why is life so hard on me
Why are my essays never ending
Why is my mom getting increasingly unbearable
Why is dieting so difficult
Why can't I stop eating chocolates at night
Why can't I sleep at night
Why do I feel so lonely
Why you
Why is time passing so fast
Why am I not special
Why do I find myself chasing for things that are out of my league
Why am I even crying ??!

Im leaving Singapore in 30 hours time and I hope Indo will treat me better than thizzzz.

Heart shaped gun

So obviously the plan about going to starbucks to do my essay failed miserably, instead I went to visit wenxi and my sister at work then did my eyebrows. I tried to take an evening nap but again, failed miserably haha. Then I went for a bbq which i left shortly after I arrived haha. That's how my lame day goes

Mambo on Wednesday

PDA alert! haha

I had dinner at Dan Ryan's with aa and irien on thurs. It's been so long since I last ate there! Then we went to clarke quay for dessert and drinks (no dessert in the end), but ended up going to the arena because it was ladies night and it's free entry free flow hahaha cheapoz. It's 12.40 Im not sleeping until I get my USC essay done.

I've been spending 0.0000001 hour at home, thus abandoning my applications. Two down, three more to go and I need to finish them before I go back to Indo in 5 days. STRESSED. Maybe I should go down to starbucks myself and start on some constructive work haha. By the way, Im a working girl now and Im doing a pretty hardcore, physically demanding job :O hahaha any guess? So far I've worked 3 times, probably doing another 2 and then I'll quit.