tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88603020222494933312024-03-21T21:50:19.971+08:00Time square can't shine as bright as youjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-20220956868387771572009-02-27T14:53:00.001+08:002009-02-27T14:55:37.431+08:00LENT<br /><br />1) Give up chocolate for 40 days.<br />2) Fasting every Wednesday and Friday.<br />3) Half an hour of bible/prayer time each day.<br /><br />Ok good luck to mejessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-57973533430203649192009-01-05T13:21:00.003+08:002009-01-05T18:19:17.935+08:00<strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Are we human or are we dancer?</span></strong><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">And sometimes I get nervous</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">When I see an open door</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">Close your eyes, clear your heart</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">Cut the cord</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">Are we human or are we dancer?</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">My sign is vital, my hands are cold</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">And I'm on my knees looking for the answer</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:times new roman;">Are we human or are we dancer?</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;"></span></em><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">So, Ive always been curious to what this song really means and due to boredom and curiosity, I spent an hour reading about it online and these are the best interpretation by other people that I can find.</span><br /><br />The line 'are we human or are we dancer?' was taken from a journalist Hunter S. Thompson before he committed suicide, and the deeper meaning behind it is this: It is not in the literal sense, like are we humans (species) or are we dancers. Dancers are not unique or individual when in a group, they are all the same. And each human is different, so he's saying are we individual or are we all the same. This theme continues when he sings 'Cut the cord' meaning puppets. Cut the cord so they can be free and unique -Katiemac<br /><br />The imagery speaks of 'dancers' as almost like 'puppets'. Brandon is speaking of letting go, "platform of surrender" "cut the cord" "close your eyes, clear your heart" This "letting go" is to cease to be "Human" because he no longer has life, (eyes closed, cleared heart) and he feels like a "Dancer", a puppet on strings.The puppet versus human contrast is throughout. To be human is to have life and choice. To be dancer is to be controlled by strings or "cords". He uses a play on words, instead of "vital signs" his "signs are vital" and "my hands are cold", i.e. lifeless, he is lifeless, and reading his signs are vital in knowing what he really is. He goes on to "say goodbye" to everything (soul and romance, etc), embarking into that "open door" Like a slouched puppet, he's on his knees. Puppets have no strength in their legs. Yet he wants to "be let go" and to "cut the cord" could refer to losing his strings and being freed from control, no longer being a puppet. Or it could refer to no longer being human. If you "cut the cord", you pull life support on someone. In mythology, The Fates, "cut your cord" and you die, no longer with the life that makes one Human. -Icarus Fixius<br /><br />Haha well, I'd never really figured it out myself. My initial interpretation was dancer was actually the opposite of a "puppet" imagery. I though being a dancer means being free and not tied down by humanly needs/social conformity or norms ... haha guess I was wrong. That's why i didnt take lit and should never take lit. Haha ok byejessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-42139633464568276132008-12-14T05:53:00.003+08:002008-12-14T06:03:15.432+08:00Greek philosophers have the most ridiculous teachings on earth and i think that everything that they taught should be burnt forever because they are nothing but a bunch of nonsensical round about argument which is mind boggling and personally for me, beyond retarded. Or maybe im retarded.. Ive been reading these theories for 2 hours straight and the more i read the more confused i become and the more illogical everything becomes and Im so ANNOYED that I have to spend my weekend reading bullshit (!!!!) O.M.G how the hell did i get myself to take such a retarded class..... Haha this explains why Im an engineer.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"Man is the measure of all things, of those that are in so far as they are,and those that are not in so far as they are not."</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"> Everything is relative. Reality being thus reduced to the subjectivism of experience, it was easy to make the transition of Gorgias to complete Skepticism.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />"Nothing exists," said Gorgias; "if something does exist, we cannot know it; if we come to know it, we cannot teach it to others." This transition from the relativism of Protagoras to Skepticism seems logical. If reality is relative to the knowledge of empirical data, there is no reality of itself. Hence nothing exists. If it should exist, it would be impossible for it to be known by us as it is in itself, because we can be witnesses only of the impressions in their sensible immediacy, and no one assures us that this is representative of reality. Nor can we teach others what we know, since everyone has a different manner of feeling, and the manner of feeling of the master is not the same as that of his students.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;">Ok back to reading nonsense. Bye</span><br /></span>jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-6374961815232795852008-12-13T08:43:00.004+08:002008-12-14T06:04:41.178+08:00"Life is short, you never live for yourself! What kind of feminist are you?! We can have everything...<br /><br />"No we cant, we can aspire to anything but we dont get it just because we want it. I rather spend my life close to the birds than wishing I had wings."jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-32112621466186962652008-11-28T15:09:00.002+08:002008-11-28T15:31:59.144+08:00Days like this should never end<br /><br />As the title suggests, I had one of the best days ever since .....school starts. Im staying over at my aunt's for thanksgiving. Getting away from school to a more 'homely' setting is just what I really need right now. It feels soooo good to finally sleep on a big bed with tonnes of pillows and thick comforter to snuggle up in (not confined to a tiny bedroom with a big-enough-to-fit-my-body bed), not having to care about schoolwork (although i have tonnes of assignment due next week haha but screw that!), enjoying the cooler air and breeze... Hahah it just feels so good to be 'home'.<br /><br />So today we went to my grandma ..wait, grandaunt's house at claremont. Had a thanksgiving dinner (indo style hahaha) with 20 of my aunts, uncles and cousins. Prepared dinner, played silly games, chilling with wine and christmas songs, listening to my small cousins playing the piano, violin and singing songs haha.. They even baked a surprise birthday cake for me (even though my bday was 2 weeks ago haha) ..Ahhh what an awesome night, this is the closest Ive been to feeling home ever since I left singapore.<br /><br />Haha Im so full and sleepy but I dont want to waste my short holiday so I'll stay up to watch house and maybe read a book hehe. Im worried for finals and my project/assignments due next week but for now Im gonna get them off my mind hehe..<br /><br />Good night!!!jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-70770157946296374462008-11-10T14:18:00.002+08:002008-11-10T14:26:37.312+08:00Birthday ?<br /><br />Haha it's so weird because it's not even my birthday yet but Im getting birthday wishes already. I wish I had my family and singapore friends here with me right now. It's 2am to midnight and Im going to celebrate being 19 with my math and chem books. I just ended my exam reviews at 9.30pm on SUNDAY, math exam tomorrow, lab and project+presentation on Tue and chem exam on Wed. I dont know how Im going to live the next three days so dont even ask me abt birthday celebration coz I dont care!! I just wanna survive the next three days :(<br /><br />And as for my birthday wish ... LOSE 7KG IN 1 MONTH haha ok lah 5KG back to my normal weight pretty please. But looking at how I just consumed one tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream, my birthday wish is gonna reverse itself to gaining 5kg instead.<br /><br />Urgghhh this is going nowhere! Haha im old and fat and fat and fat and ............PHAT!jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-20716911002253860752008-11-09T14:39:00.004+08:002008-11-09T14:59:27.872+08:00And now I realize,<br /><br />We all have choices, but we never know if we're making a right choice. All we know is that it is the best option that we have right now, the choice that helps us go through another day, the choice that kept us going. All we have is that leap of faith- the one thing we hold on to when everything seems so uncertain. Everyone makes bad choices at some point, and now that we are in it, dont look back with regrets. Have faith that the next choice is gonna make all this better again and move on. After all, life is all about choices after choices, right ? And now I know that hope and faith are the most important things we could ever have. What would life be without hope ?<br /><br />This goes out to everyone who feels like the world is turning its back on them, dont despair and dont ever feel hopeless. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to believe and have faith. God will never put you through a test that you cant pass. There's always answers if you search hard enough. You're not born into this world just to give up, so dont ever do.jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-81881881291534701062008-11-07T13:52:00.002+08:002008-11-07T16:22:27.570+08:00THESE NIGHT ARE WAAAAAYYY TOO LONG!<br /><br />Half of my days are spent in pitch darkness (9am-5pm: day, 5pm-1am:dark) Omgz it's only been barely a week and Im hating this already, i wonder how I'll survive the next 4 months or so. At 9pm, i felt that Ive gone through 4 hours of darkness and my body is telling me that I should be going to bed soon. Haha this sucks, the season is making me lazy and sleepy and inactive. Ok it's 10pm and im sleepy, i should go to the gym soon (haha my gym time here is 10pm-12am..however weird that isjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-70988024401593692912008-11-03T18:30:00.003+08:002008-11-03T18:56:00.015+08:00<strong>Hi November</strong><br /><br />I know this might be the 1000th times Im saying this (at least to myself), but I cant believe it's November already! That means that I'm 3/4 way through my semester, one more month to thanksgiving and finals then Im freaking done with school!!! I can't wait<br /><br />I know nobody will disagree with me on this, uni is a bitch. Seriously, I am shocked and at the same time I feel cheated for being made to believe/think that college life will be a breeze. Honestly, I dont even remember being this busy in JC (uhm other than exam period of course). There were times I really just want OUTTTT; go back to sing and lead my pointless life of slacking, watching dvds, yoga, spending money .... that will be the best best gift anyone can get me right now.<br /><br />Moving on to a non school-is-sucha-bitch note, life has been pretty fun in here. Well, I quit my sorority a few weeks ago because I just couldnt handle getting home past midnight everyday and doing my work till 4am just to get up again at 9 for a full 9-4pm day in school then back to sorority stuff till midnight again. That's how insane it was. Well things have been better after I quit; I have more time for myself, more time to spend with my own friends, more time to do my work, more time to work out hahaha.<br /><br />Hmmmm I dont know what else to say, I dont really feel like blogging about details just coz I havent been blogging for a long time and I dont know where to start. I really miss everyone in singapore, I wish I could drive here and lastly, I cant believe im turning 19 in a weeks time. I can still remember my last birthday where I had dinner with my family at dempsey and had to rush back home after that to study for Alevels hahahaha oh wellz good ol days. Not really in the celebrating mood this year, so I might just celebrate by wathing gossip girl since it's gonna fall on a Monday anyway. Hehe bye nowwwww it's 3am and Im not even sleepyjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-58038561254117900192008-09-20T08:03:00.003+08:002008-09-20T09:23:22.821+08:00<strong><span style="font-size:180%;">HOLLA</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;"></span></strong><br />Hi to anyone who still reads this dying blog. I finally found a time to update this blog! Im not trying to act like miss busy, but I really am so incredibly busy. It's only the third week of school and we are already having midterms and tests. I never slept before 3am this week. In fact, I actually pulled an all nighter (ok fine 1 hour of sleep) on Monday. Wednesday night, I fell asleep with Iliad on my face and chewing gum in my mouth. Everyone should try reading the Iliad, it's the most powerful sleeping pill everZ.<br /><br />School and pledging for my sorority has taken up like ...99% of my life. Sometimes, thoughts of depledging do cross my mind. I really dont want my social life to ruin my studies. I have sorority meeting/events/rehersal/random stuff almost every single day and by the time I get down to doing my homework, it's already past midnight. I have already given up partying on school nights, but I'm still not juggling both well enough! So Thursday nights are supposed to be party nights at the row (the street of usc fraterneties/sorority houses), but I spent last night studying at the lounge downstairs. I had so much fun looking at drunk people stumbling all over the lobby and flirting with old security guards...hahaha<br /><br />Anyway school aside, Ive been feeling homesick occasionally, especially when I feel so damn fucking tired everynight and still have so much things on my to do list. I just want everything to slow down like how it was before school started. I really miss lazing around in Singapore..spending everyday doing yoga and hanging out at orchard and holland V. I miss having so much free time on my hand and watching tv series for hours in front of the comp ( Btw,I havent watched tv for a month now).. Omg I just miss being able to breathe without having a single thing on my mind.. (ok fine that almost never happen) but yeah you got my point. I just feel so tied down with so many things right now and all I want is just a B.R.E.AK.<br /><br />And back to school, I feel like Im always lagging behind somehow. Im soo used to always being behind in homeworks back in singapore coz nobody ever grade or care about homework. Im so used to not giving a damn about my grades until exams comes. But here, every single thing matter and it's killing me how I have to have to put in effort to do my homework! IT'S SO EXHAUSTING TO CARE. And it feels like JC all over again coz unlike everyone else, all my day starts at 9am with the exception of 8am on Tuesday. Whatever happen to ......late class and off days, that's never gonna happen for chemical engineering. Maths and chemistry are far more difficult than i thought it will be. And dont even start about programming and GE. Poetry/history is a major pain in the ass, I dont know how anyone in this world can take that as a major. I guess Im just underestimating everything outside of singapore. I thought JC would be the toughest phase of life I would ever have to go through and everything after or before that would just pale in comparison, but apparently I was wrong.<br /><br />Ok this is such a long post. i just wanna say I really miss singapore :( I really miss everybody there... and I really miss orchard road and holland V. I miss my sisters, I miss my parents, I miss my friends. I miss ness I miss Tiff I miss wenxi I miss Jess I miss olie I miss suemaine I miss my classmates I miss ridgewood and I just miss singapore soooo badly. Im having a lot of fun and enjoying myself here, but there were times when I just wanna be home, when I just want to be free from everything. There were nights I get teary when I think about how much I really wanna be home sweet home, but it's still a year away :'(<br /><br />Ok Im gonna take it slow this weekend. Sleep before 2am, no alcohol, no parties, reply everyone's emails, clean up my room, do some exercise. Im getting really tired of nursing drunkards (and myself occassionaly) every weekend, so im going to be an anti social this wkend haha. Byezjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-83872172278478579022008-09-11T07:26:00.003+08:002008-09-11T07:35:03.048+08:00<span style="font-size:85%;">I just wanna be where you are,</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">and I dont need to be where the crowd is at</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">and I dont want temporary highs </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">and I dont need screaming and laughters to make me happy.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I just wanna be where you are,</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">where all I think about is right here and now</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">where tomorrow doesnt ever cross my mind</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">where it's silent and peaceful but I dont feel lonely</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">where I can be ugly and yet feel pretty</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">where I feel so light I can fly.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I just wanna be where you are,</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I just wanna be home.</span>jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-70608728350473445292008-09-10T14:15:00.001+08:002008-09-10T14:17:48.137+08:00Now there's a million reasons for you to go,<br />but if you can find a reason to stay,<br />I'll do whatever it takes to turn this aroundjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-44546719165421327342008-08-18T07:22:00.003+08:002008-08-18T08:07:59.563+08:00It's finally here<br /><br />As I have promised, I'll start updating this blog quite regularly. I got back from my road trip a few days ago and school is starting real soon. In fact, orientation starts tomorrow! Anyway, my trip was a lot of fun, but the sun was just downright merciless. I have gotten a few shades darker-and Im not making it up, so many people have commented on that. But oh well, tan is good right .... (haha just trying to console myself). I really regret bringing so much stuff to LA because the moment I stepped into the shops here, I knew my closet is gonna run out of space FAST. Anyway, Vegas with family isn't really your typical 'Vegas, the city that never sleeps' haha no clubs, no booze, no parties- just good old shopping food and sightseeing. Hey, what do you expect from a family trip? hahaha. We drove from Vegas to Grand Canyon and it was one of the most spectacular thing I've seen. My sister, cousin and I climbed all the way to the top (I was pretty out of breath by then haha) and the view from the top was just breathtaking! We also went to the skywalk, from which we enjoyed an even more spectacular view, but walking at the skywalk was so terrifying! We were walking on clear glass which suspend 4000 feet (more than 1km) above the grand canyon. So when we look down, we literally see rock structures that extend all the way down..it's like standing at the edge of a cliff.<br /><br />Anyway, my orientation starts tomorrow.......like, finally. A part of me is excited, a big part of me is nervous and a small part of me is kinda dreading it; dreading the fact that my 9month anti-school life has finally come to an end. Im only moving into my dorm on Wed, so I'll be staying over at Stef's tomorrow night and back again to my aunt's place at the end of orientation on tue. Techically, orientation is 2 days (mon and tue), but wed 20th-27th is welcome week; which is filled with activities which I get to pick and choose myself. I've already made my schedule and I think Im a bit of an enthusiatic weirdo who plans back to back activities when I might take 15 mins to travel from one location to another hahaha. Oh well, I forsee myself ditching many of the stuff I signed up for anyway heheh.<br /><br />Lastly, I dont know how the fuck Im going to move into my dorm. I have... 4 luggages (2 big, 1 medium, 1 small), 3 HUGE plastic bags (with my pillow, comforter, bedsheet, hairdryer and all the bulky crap)......I dont even know if all these can fit into one car!jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-26592468331404428732008-08-09T15:40:00.002+08:002008-08-09T16:01:05.121+08:00L to da A<br /><br />It's been 5 days since I arrived in LA and it's been a really good 5 days. I've been getting up at 11 everyday and eating lunch at 5pm haha! Time just passed so damn quickly in here, and it's not even the traffic! Well, I havent done any crazy or really fun stuff in here coz I have a lot of things to settle before I start school on 18th (settle my bank account, report to e embassy, make my student card, get a phone, visit my relatives here, school stuff, shopping for dorm stuff- bedsheets, hair dryer, iron, etc) hahaha. Well, I got myself a new blackberry and a new camera!<br /><br />It doesnt get dark until 8plus here so I eat my dinner at 9ish haha. The sun in craaazy in the afternoon but I love the breeze here. It gets kinda cold at night (and it's only summer), I cant imagine winter! Anyway, Im starting on my road trip on Sunday which will last for about a week. We'll be driving south east (?); SD, Vegas, Grand Canyon, Arizona ... I hope I can go to six flags before school starts!<br /><br />Im getting excited about the start of school. I just visited my dorm yesterday (well, the building, not my room) but the area is really beautiful and the parkside restaurant is awesome. I'm just hoping for a nice roomate now. Ohhh by zee way! I talked to my counselor today and Im getting one year worth of credits for my Alevel which means I only have 3 more years to graduate! And if I take summer classes, I might even graduate faster haha. Buuuutt, Im considering taking a double degree/major in engineering and finance which might require me to extend for another semester or even a year..Ah well, we'll see how it goes.<br /><br />Okay that's all for nowwwwwwwwww.jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-33157847450136311012008-08-04T00:35:00.001+08:002008-08-04T00:35:59.241+08:00GOODBYE POST ?<br /><br />Im about 9 hours away from my flight but strangely I dont really feel anything..yet(?) Maybe I wont feel much since Im so heartless haha. I will definitely miss this place. I'LL MISS ORCHARD ROAD (no place as convenient as orchard) haha I'll miss hawker food and most of all I'll miss my friends here (even though I dont have many haha) I love singapore as much as i hate it; Ive been dying to leave for so long since it's kinda a boring place but there's so much things to love about singapore. Where else can you go home by urself in a cab at 4am without any bit of worries, take a bus or train almost anywhere all over the city, get everything u want within 30min walk (orchard haha)... Sigh Im just so used to life here and change is gonna be soo hard :(<br /><br />To be honest, Im really sad and scared to leave this place which holds so much memories. I spent almost half of my life so far in Singapore (that being the more significant half of my life since I barely even rmb my first half), so it's going to be hard for me to move on from a life Ive been livin for the past 8 yrs.<br /><br />There's so many things in my head I dont even know where to begin. Let's start with the past 2 yrs...I can still rmb how I dread going to JC coz most of my sec sch friends went overseas and Im left with prob a handful of close friends who stayed on. Then, all I want to do is to get over and done with JC so that I could join the rest of them in US. Im pretty sure back then in sec sch I didnt feel any sense of attachment to this country coz all my close friends were Indos and it kinda felt like we're living in our own little world haha. I guess the past two years of my life really changed a lot of things. Frankly, I still dont know if I enjoyed the past 2 years of my life, but I know for sure that it's an experience that I'll never EVER forget and I definitely dont regret going to JC even though it might be a waste of time and EFFORT since Im going overseas now haha. And I wanna say Im really glad to be in T15 :) I might have started out as an anti social to the class (or some of u think I still am hahaha sighz) but I managed to make some really good friends in class (u guys know who u are!) and I know for sure that I wouldnt do as well for As if it wasnt for all of u crazy ass competitive muggers who made me one too! Hahaha oh well call me a closet mugger all u want peepz, Im just a nerd at heart hahaha.<br /><br />If i were to think of memories .... well I rmb having a short depression period in sec 1 HAHAHAHA I think only Stef or editha will remember this. It's stupid when I look back now but THEN, I cry every single day in school, at home, in the bus..God, Im prob the weirdest secondary 1 kid evveeerrr! I rmb our sec school indo gang; stef bel rien tiff mos mel sheir and how for me at least, my life in sec sch revolves ard these peepz (I still love you all forevvaaa). Then comes JC... haha first 3 months was such a blur and Im quite sure some pple in my class thought I left cj or smth. I also rmb being drunk for e first time in my life haha. Being back in cj aft first 3 months was hell for me initially coz I couldnt really click with my classmates (but of course that change after a few months). Haha oh I rmb being a total diet freak and losing 7kg in like 4 months ? (Haha but I was really fat in J1) I wonder now how I did that haha I think I kept my calorie intake to 500 a day hahahaha. I guess on thing that I'll always rmb abt JC would be studying days in school and coffee bean haha unforgettable.<br /><br />Ok some messages to you peepz<br /><br /><br />Ness: Haha wah I dont even know where to begin.. Firstly I cant believe we were classmates for 2 years and I spoke less than 5 sentences to you until like the last 2-3 months of school hahaha. My life for the past 2 yrs would be soooo different without you and Im so glad to have you as one of my best friends here in sg! I wont forget all the dramass in your lyph (from your boysss to your hatred for vjc to your attraction to dilfs to your crazy buddhist boss to Boston to chanels to plastic surgeries hahahaha to everything lah) You're always so full of nonsense i.e bbq at malibu with LC and co hahaha and we need to stop bitching about pple we dont know hahahaha. I have so much memories with you the past few yrs; 1st 3 months in cj (rides with colin wong haha), subway aft sch days (if u still rmb hahaha), eating beef noodles (haha), studying in holland v, our econs tuition which we barely turn up for!, your drama performaces in which I always turn up late (oops), and omg if u still rmb the days where we weren't exactly allowed to club so we whenever we got back from clubbing we would chill by my pool or yours till the sun comes up then go home (hahahaha omg i just remembered, i bet u almost dont). I know we weren't very close all the while and there were times when we drifted apart, but I know you're someone I can count on and Im really glad to have you ard :) Take care in Sg and Im sure you'll have fun in smu; stop eating instant noodles and sleeping at 7am and depression/denial/acceptance series hahahaha. I'll miss you so so much! (Btw you dont have to work on being desirable babe, you already are)<br /><br /><br /><br />Tiff: God, you're like the sole surviving member of our indo gang hahaha and i really dont know what my life would be without you. I was (and still am) so so relieved that we ended up in the same jc! Gosh I have sooo many things to say right now! Im sure you know we've been through soooo much together hon; happy times, stressful times, sad times..Thanks for always being there for me, I still remembered how I bawled my eyes to you at a secluded staircase in school when I had shit stuff going on and how we ended up crying tgt hahaha. I think you're my number one study partner during my Alvl days hahaha I'll never forget night studying days with u and ur classmates in e freeezing cold library, holland v days and oh! overnight studying at McD (hardcore siaaLLL hahahaha), swimming at my pool (im sure you swim the most when you're with me hahaha), our horrible sense of direction and mrt knowledge that we travel opposite direction while heading to changi airport HAHAHA.... ok i can go on forever. Just wanna let you know that I really (REALLY) admire you for being such a strong and independent person. I know you've been through a lot in these past few years but you always manage to pull urself together and I honestly cant imagine myself being able to do that. You've been such an awesome friend and I cant believe Im finally leaving you just like the rest of them haha! Dont worry you'll do fine with NTU<br /><br /><br /><br />Wenxi: You're the runner up for the pang seh friend award (next after shin haha). Sometimes I love you and hate you all at the same time hahahah. You're the hardest person to contact, the one who always ditch me when i ask you to go out with me, the dao-est person on msn .............but i still love you! Haha seriously I wouldnt WOULDNT survive JC without you in class. We have sooo much stupid and memorable moments in school koh! Right from stepping on the weighing machine twice every break (b4 n aft food hahaha), hiding out in LT3 after PE, your disgusting carrot and milk juice, your infectious laughter, swimming at ur country club tgt, u coming over to my place with a plan to exercise but end up stopping by cold storage with tonnes of snacks n eating them while watching dvds hahaha we are such pigs, you k.o-ing during our night cycling trip (shame on u haha), your stayover during prelim days and our mini bday celebration!, the night we watch spongebob before ocip and how our talks during ocip revolves around it , and you're definitely my best dessert buddy haha coz no one else eat as much sweet stuff as us hahahaha. Goshhh Im so gonna miss you and ur crap! As strange as this may seem I'll prob miss being pissed at you for not replying my msgs hahaha. Take care :)<br /><br />Shin: Hi sotong/pangseh queen....you nvr fail to make me laugh in class and I'll never forget how you always get so irritated by ehm bunny in class, ur damn ugly handwriting (!), ur obsession with boyfriendzzzzz, ur disgusting mee tai mak.. you're so damn full of nonsense and Im so glad for that hahaha. Sorry for the skewers, collect it from my maid when u can ok! Im going to miss youu<br /><br />Suemaine: It's so sad how we got close only towards the last part of our JC days! You're such a funny and loud person and I really really enjoy talking n going out with you babe :) I'll always rmb shopping days with u at far east, having chem consultations tgt with mr yee and laughing our ass off during consultations for the most random reasons hahaha and how we cant stop talking abt the vainest things- make up, clothes, gossiping abt pple (woops) hahaha. We have to meet up when I come back, hope your sister's ice cream place will still b there next yr!<br /><br />Isaac: Dude, where do I begin ? Hahaha to be honest, more than half of the time I am around you, Im irritated and annoyed by you HAHAHA. You can be the meanest person on earth with ur endless mockery and suanings (esp for me) haha but that's what makes you who you are I guess! I know deep down you're a very nice guy, there were times I could talk to you abt serious stuff...i think ? Anw you nvr fail to make me laugh and at the same time you make me really wanna slap ur face haha, u were the best guy in class I could count on to study with me haha and you were prob my best guy friend in class ..strangely enough hahaha. Thanks for being a good friend, a chem teacher, an ass hole, a satay man during bbq and for being a reliable companion during school days! Hope you'll reach ur six pack goal and have fun studying law, Im (sort of) proud of u hahahahaha<br /><br />Olivia: Olieeeeeee! you're the number one person I'll run to when I wanna watch movies that nobody else watches haha! Either we are weird or we are cool (i think it's the latter) haha! I hope you can find someone else to watch indo movies with u in sg! I'll always rmb our photo hunting session (once in sec 4 if u rmb), your precious gift capturing my happiest moment (bringing it with me to USC!), our national museum trip (david's dick), our singing sessions during sec 3 which made tiff so pissed mwahahaha, our lame ass jokes that only pple like us can appreciate, CCFWVE (im sure you'll figure this out), nydc's ebony cake hahaha. I miss you olieeeeeeeeeee<br /><br />Jasmine: I know we've been classmates foreverrrrrr and somehow we were never really that close. I'll nvr forget you and your TONNES of crap+nonsense and Im so touched and felt so bad abt you waiting for me at e airport ytd!! I hope you'll have fun with irritating secondary school kids and stay happy with gab. Good luck with As this year, I know you're smart dont be lazziiieee!<br /><br />Darien: Dont know what I'd be in fitness club without you. Thanks for entertaining me with ur vulgarities for D*&^ and slacking tgt every session. We slackers deserve to be in fitness club hahaha.<br /><br />Ok Im done here. To those whose name may not be there, you know i still love youuu! Im just running out of time n energy here hahaha. 5 more hours till i leave the house. SAYONARAjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-68081955125683952212008-07-21T10:55:00.003+08:002008-07-21T11:11:57.047+08:00Heyho I wanted to write a farewell post, like a really long one with messages for certain people,but Im still in the process of doing so haha. I'll prob continue right before I leave to LA, when I'll have e most inspiration at my most emotional moment (being a drama mama here).<br /><br />Anyway Im currently very early at the airport. On the way here, I prob talked to my Jen more than I ever did in the past month and we talked about my youngest sis which makes me realize i dont know ANYTHING about her. Like seriously, I barely talk to her and obviously I dont know what she's been going through and all. I feel like such a crappy sister now. I always said Im outcasted from the trio haha (coz they're so close and Im so left out) but now I realize that I make it hard for them not to outcast me. It's like how Jen said she tried to come to my room to initiate a convo but I'll just tell her to get out and leave me alone. Haha gosh Im such a bitch.. And soon we'll all be living separately which means we drift even further apart.<br /><br />In other news, Im not exactly excited for my trip back. Once I land in Jakarta airport, we're going straight to Bandung to visit my grandparents from my dad's side until Wed. I dont like Bandung....... my dad will be meeting up with his pals and my mom, sis and I would prob be spending the day at the salon and then we'll have dinner with my grandparents aunt uncle cousins etc at night. Do this for 3 days ?! Besides I dont like their house in Bandung....I wish we can stay at a hotel :(<br /><br />Ok i dont think I'll be online for the next one week haha. Be back in Singapore on the 2nd!jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-15151872750137762092008-07-12T12:26:00.002+08:002008-07-12T12:39:32.778+08:00So today I met like ...1% of my future schoolmates haha. They seem like pretty nice people and Im actually pretty glad I went (even though I was soooo lazy to get my ass off bed at 8am). And after talking to a few people, I think I might actually wanna take engineering with a minor in business. Double deg of engine and finance is seriously a little too hardcore for me and 5 years of USC would prob burn a giant hole in my parents' pocket although my mom is so keen on me taking double deg. Then I find out that my dorm is prob the nicest and the newest but it's filled with international students ....... which is a good and bad thing. Im still thinking if I should move to a more "american" dorm, but that's where all the parties and weirdo stuff happen.... but again why go all the way to US and then hang out with all the Asians again. Ok I just wanna mix of both which means I should move out from parkside (?) HAHAHA NVM laters, haters.jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-17090657496357113902008-07-09T13:45:00.002+08:002008-07-09T14:00:55.118+08:00It's starting to sink in..........<br /><br />Im leaving so sooooon and strangely I dont feel ready for it! Ive been wanting this for so long and yet it's scary how my life is gonna change so drastically (maybe not) in the next month. This is like moving from Indo 8 years ago haha. Yeah anyway for the very few pple who reads my blog, Im leaving for Indo on the 21st, which is less than two weeks from now (!!!!) I'll be back on 2nd but only for 2 days coz Im leaving on 4th which leaves me with almost no time to meet up with anyone in that two days period (unless you're very special HAHAHA). Okay so peepzeee I would like to meet up with everyone in this one of two weeks that I have left...and yeah Im too lazy to host a farewell. My parents are not in Singapore now anyway, which means I have no money to treat everyonezz hahaha.<br /><br />Im kinda excited for Jakarta although I bet I'll have one million and one things to do in that one week. And Im still so puzzled/irritated that I have to leave so early when my orientation only starts on 18th! (Although I wouldnt wanna reach at 9pm on 17th and start my orientation at 8am hahaha stef) Oh well at least I get to go to Vegas and SF first before orientation starts hehehe!<br /><br />Sigh I know I shouldnt feel scared because Im going to LA and most of my close friends are there, my cousins are there, my aunts/uncles are there and Im even going to the same school as my cousin who's doin her dental specialization.... So technically I should feel even more at home than I am in Singapore.. but I still feel kinda saaaaddd and scared hahajessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-30827242996702951692008-07-01T22:56:00.003+08:002008-07-01T23:06:29.740+08:00<strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Denial</span></strong><br /><br />Sometimes I wonder if hope is a good or bad thing. For the past month or so I've been falling in and out of hope (erm yea not love arh) and I dont know how much longer I can take this. These next few days are gonna be H.E.L.Ljessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-49326324982167767232008-06-24T23:12:00.003+08:002008-06-24T23:15:05.285+08:00Im watching penelope now and I think James Mcavoy is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute hahahahaha I watched a few of his shows- antonement, becoming jane..it's weird how I dont remember him until I watch penelope. Can't wait to watch wantedjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-82075522582368264192008-06-23T00:54:00.002+08:002008-06-23T00:58:40.214+08:00Just a thought.......<br /><br />I havent been updating and Im not exactly planning to do so either. My writing skill has become so rusty, even my reading skill (or should I say attention span?) has become so horribly pathetic- I find it so hard to finish reading a book these days, thus I resort to watching brainless shows on tudou. Haha in other words I have been wasting my unemployed life doing absolutely unproductive activities, not forgetting spending away my hard earned money too quickly. I hope I won't be the stupidest student entering the university.<br /><br />Anyway Im writing just to make sure that I havent forgot how to write a proper paragraph or to express my thoughts in words.........haha ok kidding that might be a small part of the reason, but I've been wanting to write about something that's been in my mind lately.<br /><br />As a few of you may know, for the past month or so, Ive been going to a christian church and even have a cell group. I know I may not the biggest fan/believer of christian churches (Ive been a catholic all my life), but I wanted to do something to revive my dying faith. So does it really work ? Well, not really. I realized that a major part of my problem doesnt really lie in how dull and boring my church is, but myself. Dull sermons and boring masses may (sort of) justify my dozing off in church, but it surely doesnt give me any reasons to not be able to pray, to feel 1 million miles away from God, to slowly finding myself behaving like a non believer.<br /><br />I realized now that I have just become a bad person, a very very ignorant person, a selfish person, an angry and resentful person, and obviously this has affected my relationship with my family and ultimately God. I hate myself for admitting this; I am not happy being around my parents. Too often these days I wish they were on another holiday so that I can be left alone. And the more I force myself to try to love being around them-and failed, the more guilty and bitter I become and I cant turn to any single person, not even God. This is when I realised I have literally nobody to turn to and I start blaming everybody, a good example-my church, for my diminishing faith when the fact is I have nobody to blame but myself.<br /><br />I guess everyone go through a phase in their lives when everything seems so wrong. A lot of things may be going fine (not fantastic) in my life right now, but I know deep inside- spiritually and emotionally, this has been the worst worst ever period in my life. I dont even know how to begin explaining my reasons for hating the people who are most important to me in this world.<br /><br />I believe that ignorance is bliss. I know a lot of nonbelievers or 'christians' who dont pray, dont go to church and are perfectly fine with their lives. Of course I wish I could be a good christian but if couldnt be that, I rather fall into the catagory of ignorant people as I mention above than be a lousy christian trying to be a good one and feeling like such a failure all the time because I know I dont deserve to be called a good christian with the way I live my life.<br /><br />Honestly, other than today, I dont remember the last time I actually prayed and really mean it. Honestly, I havent felt really happy for quite some time especially at home. So for everyone else's sake and maybe my own, I'll really try to be a better person from today onwards.jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-52186153738518536632008-05-24T17:19:00.002+08:002008-05-24T17:24:18.830+08:00TWENTY FOUR<br /><br />Heheh right now Im so hooked on 24 I havent moved my ass from my bed for more than 5 hours, except to the toilet. That reminds me, I havent even eaten the whole day, except for a piece of chocolate. So all I want to say is I think Im going to be very very happy with my life for the next couple of weeks/months because I have 7 seasons to watch. Now I dont have to worry about what Im gonna do when my internship ends in 1 week time! No more late nights at office,it'll just be me, my bed and my laptop. Life is such a bliss sometimes, exept when you start thinking about your future. But right now Im just trying to erase that from my mind and take things one step and a time.jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-88304776423358478862008-05-15T12:00:00.003+08:002008-05-15T12:18:47.927+08:00I think I can qualify as the most hardworking intern of the year ......either that or Im just working under the most workaholic boss. I havent been home before 10 or 11 ever since 3 weeks ago because on the days I dont go out, I work overtime and on the days I dont work overtime, I try to catch up with my friends or go for yoga. Luckily I havent gone so far as to bring my work home hahaha. So finally... my body gave up. Last night I had blocked nose, sore throat, felt so cold and puked. Today I cant even drag myself out of bed..<br /><br />Im so NOT going to go for the accounts line next time. Imagine working in the big four where going home at 11pm is considered really early. May as well not have a life haha. Ok byebye 2 more weeks to freedom.jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-11693685064749253862008-05-09T16:10:00.002+08:002008-05-09T16:16:23.654+08:00Im terribly bored at work now. Ok I have a lot to do but Im so sick of working and the thought of 3 more weeks to freedom makes this 3 weeks even harder to live with.<br /><br />Anyway I kept telling myself: If Nicole Richie can do it, so can everyone. But I can't!! Goddddddd Im such a failure at even simple things like losing weight. Haha 2.5 hour to freedom o clock (thanks ness) and Im dyingggggggggggggggg. I cant believe I watch the hills everynight and at work even though I think it's a dumb show. Haha sianzzzjessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8860302022249493331.post-23540862033274594062008-05-02T09:42:00.002+08:002008-05-02T09:52:50.664+08:00It's 9.46, Im currently at the client's office by myself as my boss is late and Im abusing this opportunity (as always) to do random stuff. Anyway, (upon instruction from my dominating motheerrrrr), I emailed and browse through the summer programs in USC and it sounds like the funnesttttt thing on earth (that is school related) hahaha. I've never been sincerely excited about any of my schools stuff, even though Im dying to leave this place......but for once Im actually quite enthusiastic about going. Hmm seems like my part time job plan and my Indo plan are non existant if I decide to go for this. Oh my parents just got back from Europe and they bought a lifetime supply of chocolates which filled two compartments of my fridge :0jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06229761184239340024noreply@blogger.com0