Heyho I wanted to write a farewell post, like a really long one with messages for certain people,but Im still in the process of doing so haha. I'll prob continue right before I leave to LA, when I'll have e most inspiration at my most emotional moment (being a drama mama here).

Anyway Im currently very early at the airport. On the way here, I prob talked to my Jen more than I ever did in the past month and we talked about my youngest sis which makes me realize i dont know ANYTHING about her. Like seriously, I barely talk to her and obviously I dont know what she's been going through and all. I feel like such a crappy sister now. I always said Im outcasted from the trio haha (coz they're so close and Im so left out) but now I realize that I make it hard for them not to outcast me. It's like how Jen said she tried to come to my room to initiate a convo but I'll just tell her to get out and leave me alone. Haha gosh Im such a bitch.. And soon we'll all be living separately which means we drift even further apart.

In other news, Im not exactly excited for my trip back. Once I land in Jakarta airport, we're going straight to Bandung to visit my grandparents from my dad's side until Wed. I dont like Bandung....... my dad will be meeting up with his pals and my mom, sis and I would prob be spending the day at the salon and then we'll have dinner with my grandparents aunt uncle cousins etc at night. Do this for 3 days ?! Besides I dont like their house in Bandung....I wish we can stay at a hotel :(

Ok i dont think I'll be online for the next one week haha. Be back in Singapore on the 2nd!

So today I met like ...1% of my future schoolmates haha. They seem like pretty nice people and Im actually pretty glad I went (even though I was soooo lazy to get my ass off bed at 8am). And after talking to a few people, I think I might actually wanna take engineering with a minor in business. Double deg of engine and finance is seriously a little too hardcore for me and 5 years of USC would prob burn a giant hole in my parents' pocket although my mom is so keen on me taking double deg. Then I find out that my dorm is prob the nicest and the newest but it's filled with international students ....... which is a good and bad thing. Im still thinking if I should move to a more "american" dorm, but that's where all the parties and weirdo stuff happen.... but again why go all the way to US and then hang out with all the Asians again. Ok I just wanna mix of both which means I should move out from parkside (?) HAHAHA NVM laters, haters.

It's starting to sink in..........

Im leaving so sooooon and strangely I dont feel ready for it! Ive been wanting this for so long and yet it's scary how my life is gonna change so drastically (maybe not) in the next month. This is like moving from Indo 8 years ago haha. Yeah anyway for the very few pple who reads my blog, Im leaving for Indo on the 21st, which is less than two weeks from now (!!!!) I'll be back on 2nd but only for 2 days coz Im leaving on 4th which leaves me with almost no time to meet up with anyone in that two days period (unless you're very special HAHAHA). Okay so peepzeee I would like to meet up with everyone in this one of two weeks that I have left...and yeah Im too lazy to host a farewell. My parents are not in Singapore now anyway, which means I have no money to treat everyonezz hahaha.

Im kinda excited for Jakarta although I bet I'll have one million and one things to do in that one week. And Im still so puzzled/irritated that I have to leave so early when my orientation only starts on 18th! (Although I wouldnt wanna reach at 9pm on 17th and start my orientation at 8am hahaha stef) Oh well at least I get to go to Vegas and SF first before orientation starts hehehe!

Sigh I know I shouldnt feel scared because Im going to LA and most of my close friends are there, my cousins are there, my aunts/uncles are there and Im even going to the same school as my cousin who's doin her dental specialization.... So technically I should feel even more at home than I am in Singapore.. but I still feel kinda saaaaddd and scared haha

Denial

Sometimes I wonder if hope is a good or bad thing. For the past month or so I've been falling in and out of hope (erm yea not love arh) and I dont know how much longer I can take this. These next few days are gonna be H.E.L.L